As the only child of two working parents, I learned to keep myself entertained from a very young age. I would create elaborate soap operas for my Barbie dolls and challenge my alter ego in games like Connect Four and Battleship. (I grew up before computers and smart phones. Can you imagine?) But as a young adult, the idea of going out to dinner or the movies alone was terrifying. What would people think?
My memory of the first time I dined alone remains vivid. I had just moved to Manhattan after college and knew no one in the city. After getting my fill of bagels and pizza I wanted a real meal. So one day I took a book to a charming restaurant I often passed on my neighborhood walks and requested a table for one by the window. There I was: all alone, on display for the world to see. Or so it felt at the time. In hindsight I’ve realized that the only person thinking about me was me.
When it comes to overcoming the fear of doing stuff solo, the first step is really just getting over ourselves. We are our own worst critic and waste too much time worrying about the opinions of others. Who cares what strangers think, anyway? We will likely never see them again – and if we do, so what? Should their opinion have so much sway over our daily joy?
After that first solo dinner, I soon branched out to Broadway shows and movies. These are perfect activities to enjoy on your own because a) it’s dark, and b) there’s no talking. Plus, the concession stand clerk has no idea that that extra large popcorn is yours alone. Did I mention that you won’t have to share your snacks?
Now I think nothing of hopping a plane to Barcelona or Hong Kong, or a long-distance bus to Vilnius, and exploring the city completely by myself. Think that’s crazy? Read on for some strategies that will have you singing a different tune!
Start Small
Attend a movie matinee. Treat yourself to a pedicure. Watch a fashion show at the local mall. Go to a cafe and sit down with your coffee instead of taking it to go, then work up to having lunch. Museums are great for solo exploration because they encourage quiet reflection. Ride the Hop-On-Hop-Off bus and listen to the often-interesting tidbits on your headphones. The opportunities are endless! Once you are comfortable doing some things by yourself, the next challenge is to put down your phone or book and simply enjoy the experience for what it is.
Cultivate a New Hobby
Like photography? Grab your camera and go for a long walk. Always wanted to know how to knit/bowl/ski/etc? Take lessons or join a league. Many cities have clubs for outdoor running or public speaking. I once came across a group of people staring silently up at a tree in Central Park. Creeping over, I eventually saw the bird they were watching with keen interest. Whatever you’re into, there’s a group of people out there already practicing it. Join them! At the very least, the experience will give you some stories to tell at happy hour.
Be Openminded
Doing something alone doesn’t mean avoiding people. Consider joining a free walking tour or taking an art class. Grab a beer in a pub and chat up the locals. One of my best nights in Hong Kong happened after asking directions from strangers on the street and then accepting an invitation to join them for dinner. Once you open yourself up to new possibilities, it’s amazing what fun you’ll have! And you might make some new friends in the process.
Practice Makes Perfect
My first experience with solo travel was a business trip. My company sent me to meet with a vendor and I used my downtime (lunch, dinner, the morning before my return flight) to do a little exploring. Sent on a return trip a few months later, I asked to go on Sunday instead of Monday and used the extra day for sightseeing. After that, I was hooked! I worked hard and was rewarded with more business travel and thus more adventure. One trip required me to fly into Salt Lake City and drive a rental car to Provo for a meeting the next morning; I took a short detour to Park City to marvel at the snow-covered mountains and Old West architecture. Those opportunities boosted my confidence tremendously. Once I moved to Shanghai, visiting a far flung temple or enjoying afternoon tea by myself didn’t seem scary at all.
Sure, the first few times you venture out by yourself might be intimidating. But it will get easier, and the confidence and self-awareness you gain will be priceless. Don’t miss out on all the fun just because there’s no one to go with!
PIN IT!
What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done alone?
Have any tips for overcoming fear?
Happy New Year, Heather, and what an excellent post! I couldn’t agree more… 🙂
Thanks, Daina, and happy new year! Someone left a “you didn’t travel there ALONE did you?!” comment on one of my Barcelona photos and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. It makes me sad to think about all the people missing out on experiences like that!
I never really saw the problem in doing stuff alone, but every time someone brings it up I just ask them – how many times have you seen someone having lunch alone and thought “what a weirdo”? The truth really is, nobody cares. 😀 Also, photography (even taking SnapChat shots with your phone) is great! I tend to stay behind when trying to walk with people and take photos at the same time anyway.
Striking conversations with strangers is the obvious, but it works – just talk to the person sitting next to you on the train, hang out at the hotel bar when you’re back from town, join other (solo) travellers on a free city tour. 🙂
I need to get better about chatting up strangers. I’m such an introvert that small talk is hard for me, but for some reason it’s easier when I’m traveling by myself. I guess I’ve already forced myself out of my comfort zone and am feeling empowered! But there’s always room for improvement 🙂
Great Blog and great advice. I’ve been lucky in almost always having someone to do things with. But every now and then I will go to a movie by myself or a lunch. No one pays any attention to you. There are so many beautiful places in the world to see. It would be a shame to pass up a chance to see them because you have no one to go with. I would recommend a bus tour to begin with. My first overseas tour was by bus. You meet a lot of singles doing that. Travel on, don’t be scared.
Organized bus tours are a great way to see a lot and meet new people along the way. We certainly had fun on the ones we took!
Hahahahah! It looks like you have a lot of fun girl!!
I certainly try lol! 🙂
This is so true Heather and this is a great post full of great advices! I was also scared of traveling solo (as this is just another thing you can do solo right?) at first but then it all became natural and now I think I have another problem: I might enjoy it even more of traveling with someone O.O
Thanks so much, Pam! Sometimes I prefer going solo, too. I love using the map to find my own way and being totally in charge of the schedule lol!
That is one one the most inspiring posts I’ve read this week. To be honest, although I traveled solo many times I never felt lonely and in fact I had a lot of fun. Why? I always bumped into awesome people who made me feel like home. God bless locals!
Thanks so much, Agness! Meeting locals makes travel so much more rewarding and fun!
Fantastic post, Heather! I absolutely love doing stuff solo–is it bad to admit that sometimes I prefer this to doing stuff with other people?! But you made some great points–when you’re solo you can do exactly what you want, take as much time as you need, and you’re also much more prone to talk to new people. I was at a blogger event solo and started talking to another girl there who is now one of my favorite friends–that probably never would have happened if I brought people to the event!
Thanks, Jess! It’s not bad to admit that at all – I’m guilty of that myself! Sometimes it’s just easier to go alone rather than coordinate schedules with others. And you’re so right about it being easier to talk up new people when you’re flying solo!
‘Really lovely post Heather.
The scariest thing that I’ve ever done was when I travelled around Asia alone after university, and when I first went to India. Also all alone!
I’m not afraid of solo travel as I used to do weekend trips around the UK & Europe by myself on a regular basis and I also used to live in Eastern Europe in the 90’s and as a person of colour, I was always some sort of attactrion lol! However, when I announced that I was travelling to Asia, the “noises” got louder. I still went though and had the best time ever, but I always made sure that I had extra money stashed away somewhere, and extra credit card and I always listened to my instinct and made sure that I was surrounded by people, and I have absolutely no qualms in approaching others if I needed help or company, and that included random European guys that I would ask to pretend to be “my husband” for a few minutes, if I was being bothered by locals!
p.s. I’m married now so I just show my wedding ring and whip out photos of my husband and son lol!
Thanks, Victoria!
Wow, I don’t think I could ever travel to India alone. I’d be way too scared of unwanted male attention. My blonde hair really calls attention to itself! It wasn’t bad in Asia, people just wanted to take photos with me which was kind of funny. And one guy in HK asked if he could be my facebook friend. Cute, but no. Haha! I’ve lived in DC and NYC so feel like I’ve got some street smarts, but thankfully I haven’t had to use them yet! Actually, the most uncomfortable I’ve ever felt was in Italy in the 90s. Packs of guys followed my friends and I around calling out ciao bella! It was flattering for like five minutes but got old fast. I’m really glad I wasn’t alone on that particular trip.
Learning how to travel solo is a skill that can be learned fairly easily. My issue is the opposite – after traveling for so long solo, I’m trying to connect with people in the stationary world back home … not as easy!
Ha! I have the same issue. Sometimes it’s just easier to go by yourself than try to coordinate schedules and interests with others. But when I do make the effort to connect, the experience can be very rewarding!
Yes, I can totally relate with you on this.
Before I wasn’t able to travel alone. Not that I was afraid but I had the strange feeling that something was missing. I remember going to Munich spend the day by myself since my friend would arrive only during the night and it was good and I enjoyed but I felt something was missing during the day.
Some years later I moved to a new Country and everything changed. I started like you said, by walking around the City, then going to other cities and finally going on long weekends to nearby countries. At first I was afraid that the nights would be bad since had nothing to talk to and would be by myself on the hotel… but the reality is that a few hours watching movies, planning the next day and calling home go super-fast and being with other person wouldn’t make that much of a difference.
Later I start making longer trips, around 10 days, and found that travelling alone is much better and I have such a great time that I no longer want to travel with others.
No more dramas, mostly due to stupid things, no more compromise, I see what I want and don’t need to waste my time in cafés and Shops (that I can do when I’m at home) and I’m free to be flexible, can eat at strange hours without any concern, can start the day at 8h and stop at 16h when I’m tired, can change the plans if necessary, etc…
Being introverted makes a big difference when travelling alone since I don’t need to have a “down time” from anyone since the entire day was already a me-time 🙂
I’m so happy to hear that you now enjoy traveling by yourself! You’re right that being an introvert helps. I’m one, too, and find it refreshing not having to talk to anyone all day haha! And like you say, the nights pass quickly with travel planning and technology to keep us entertained. Cheers!